A New Step

Tomorrow is going to be a big day for me. My 'first' step into the BIG Corporate World. My first day at my first job ever. Whoosh! sounds BIG! (Okay shshhh, it does, to me!)

I'm a bundle of emotions right now; nervous, about what it would be like; apprehensive, for all the 'what ifs'; anxious, for what's in store; excited, for all the new things that are on their way; oh and loads more.

Talking of first steps, I wish I could remember what it was to be a toddler, taking my first steps with those chubby little legs, swaying and falling, and picking myself up again only to repeat the entire process hundreds of times, tirelessly.

I think that's how I should go tomorrow. With a smile, a zest for what I am to do, and without any preconceived notions. Not trying to customize myself to suit people, yet not being a rigid, heartless stone; not parting with my idiosyncrasies, yet being willing to learn more and grow and change as a person.

The aim is to become a better person, a strong 'professional' and most importantly, happy with what I do.

Cheers to that!

Hundreds and Thousands

Just that... hundreds and thousands... So many people in the world. Each, a different color. And how they all mingle to make this world the place it is. And out of those hundreds and thousands, some forces of Nature conspire together, to make us meet the ones we do in our life.

Take friends for instance. The greatest sweeteners in human life. As a child, I have been moving, from one city to another. In the process, I have lost a lot of friends, primarily because there was no Facebook back then, where you add people you have just met for five minutes or less. And then I grew up. Suddenly, just "staying in the same colony" wasn't a fit-enough criterion to make friends. I had "a mind of my own", something that people develop in their teenage years (can safely call it that, now that I am well beyond that phase!). And so, my friends would be people who the "mind-of-my-own" would like. Needless to say, the numbers saw a marked decrease (Quality v/s Quantity would be a sad one to debate on!). The ones that made-it-to-the-list were carefully chosen, the ones I cherished the most, the ones who understood me and still loved me no matter what flaws I had. Opened my heart out to some, shut out all others- fearing hurt and a lot of other things that I didn't have to worry about as a kid.
And then all hell broke loose! Differences, dissimilarities, and the madness that followed!


What was I thinking when I opened up to the Chosen-Ones? That life is static? People shall never change? Situations wouldn't get the better of us? Which world was I in?

Life is NOT static. As most people realize early. (I do not happen to be in THAT list!) Things change. People change. Some stay, others leave, and yet others walk in and out, off and on. It's one of those things that is going to happen repeatedly. And today, as a new realization dawns on me, I wonder, does "Forever" mean anything? Best Friends Forever? Really?

Making and losing friends is a long, really long learning process. It sucks to learn it, but we are hardly offered a choice. And I still feel unready to learn and assimilate most of the lessons that are being taught.


Couldn't help wishing, that out of the hundreds and thousands that we meet, the important ones would just stay... stay the same, stay together. That is a pretty picture. Just like how these hundreds-and-thousands look. Different, yet together.

Wanderings of an idle mind

I had a great billion thoughts running through my relatively small head today, and it's again one of those times, where nothing might be wrong, but then I go and spoil it all! All, by being possessed by my thoughts.

Today I asked myself, what have you achieved? No, I'm not 80 years old, yet, the nagging thought of how I could have done so much with my life in the past few years, and I chose to let it slip away. I'm told it is human. Human to have something and want something completely different. That fire of ambition, which dissolves into nothingness when something else gets prioritized over the "current want".

It sounds like the feeling most people have at say, 30. When you look back and say "Gosh, I'm thirty. My life is finished." Call it premature mid-life-crisis, if you may!

When I was 18, I had a Bucket List of sorts, on which I wanted to check everything before I turned 30. A list compiled with great care of a teen having great grown up dreams. Now I have 8 years to go and with time, I've found that most things on my Bucket List are either ticked as "what-were-you-thinking" or "not-gonna-happen-ever". You'd say, create a new list then. And then I'd say "No but this is what I had planned and I have to make it happen somehow!!!"
Surely there must be some way? Some way that I can be both the 18year old and the 30year old. Where I can be a grown-up with big things to achieve, and still enjoy my pink cotton candy.
Ah, there it is - the cause of all evil - the mixed feeling of being (expected to) grow up and still be a little girl.
I do not recall having so much trouble transitioning into my teenage!

Still swinging between vagueness and complete consciousness.
Time it is then. To wait and see if my Bucket List does happen.

C'est la vie :) 

One of those times...

One of those times, when you feel lonely even in a crowd... When everything is fine, and you feel impending doom....  One of those, when as much as you wish it to just shut up, your mind takes on that nagging "Wait and Watch" tone.

Why do such days happen? Why is every bright sunny day threatened by the dark grey clouds? Ever noticed their hide-and-seek? Tough to say who is hiding from whom. Or is this just me, being me-in-one-of-those-days mood? Guess so!

Want to make wishes, but scared to jinx them by just wanting them bad enough. Want to walk that extra mile, but can't, fearing I'll be standing there all alone. Want to light that fire, but fear of burning my hand while lighting the wood keeps me from it.
Ah, there it is! "Fear"... that most dreaded word in the English language, as far as I go! "Foolish", "Eerie", "Arbitrary", "Roaming" of the mind. *sheepish grin*

Fear of the unknown is my greatest. It has its way of emptying me of all happiness, like the Harry Potter dementors suck out all feelings from people. Weird, since I love painting bright pictures for people around. Why can't I just make one for myself?My personal piece of rainbow, or something to that effect.

Thoughts have a way of complicating your life, don't they? Yet, they are a necessary evil. Can't seem to get much work done without "thoughts". No one complains when the thoughts are happy, do they?!

So for the moment, I shall have to believe that "bad thoughts" are required to make you realize how precious the "happy thoughts" are. :)

And yes, now for that mug of cocoa. :)

So long!

Say those unsaid words....

The cause of all our personal problems and nearly all the problems of the world can be summed up in a single word: Life. 

It's life. Which is why all of us, yes, each one of us, has experienced at least one day, if not more, where we begin to question the worthiness of our life, in entirety. We feel stuck, let-down, betrayed, unworthy, and a million other emotions that may not be done justice to by mere words. 
How many times have you told your confidante, "I hate my life." ? I, for one, am known to state and re-instate this line, every chance I get! And believe me when I say so, because there will be people waiting in a line to back me up on this one! We whine, complain, cry, crib and all the other what-nots. Does it make things better? I don't think so! If only crying would undo a bad score on a test, or revive a lost pet, or undo harsh words spoken! Wishful thinking!


Why is so-and-so more successful than I am? Why is she luckier than me? Why don't good things happen to me like the lady-next-door-who-won-a-prize? Why are we different? 


In our work and in our living, we must recognize that difference is a reason for celebration and growth, rather than a reason for destruction.

Why am I not appreciated for what I do, or what I am? 


Inevitable question. But an obvious answer. Do you? Do you appreciate others for the small little, insignificant, but meaningful and thoughtful things someone says or does? How many times has your smile been fake and filled with envy as you congratulate a colleague for a promotion you were hoping for? When was the last time you told your troublesome brat of a brother that no matter how many dolls of yours he has beheaded, you still love him? Did you stop to tell you Mom that you love her for the sumptuous meals she makes for you, even though you don't have time to sit with her and eat? 


We never do. We wait and wait, and finally it's too late. We don't have to wait until somebody has passed away before we tell them how much we love them? Why do we wait until someone's ears can't hear before we let them how much they mean to us? Why do we wait until it is too late before we recall the good qualities of a person? 


Do you love someone? Then tell them! Has someone been an influence in your life? Then give them a call! Has someone made a difference in your life? Then write them a letter or send them an email! Don't let another day go by without letting that person know. There is something special about a written letter that expresses feelings of love towards another. I don't know about you, but I have letters and cards from people that I have saved for years, and from time to time, I get them out and reread them. They can turn a depressing day into one where you realize just how blessed and loved you are.


Life is too short to leave kind words unsaid. The words you say, or the letter you write, might just make all the difference in the world.

Of Mangoes, Roses and Blooms

I knew something was wrong with my beloved mango tree in April. It was just like the last time, one day the tree smiles back at me, and the next, it's all withered. It did again... not only did it wither, it died.

I've been watching that tree like a hawk all these months, wondering if any of those mangoes would ripen, and if so, when. And then God sent me the answer. They wouldn't, He said: this tree is not for your garden. But don't lose heart, you shall find the right one soon. Maybe it won't be a mango, but all the same, do not despair, my child.

I knew there would eventually be a bad season and part of me is actually relieved to have it over with. And also to know that things will be back to normal next season. 

And sure enough, soon I woke up dreaming about roses. I got up had my first coffee and was still wondering what this was about roses. I get through the day as usual, and sometime during it, I read a magazine, and in it, I find an article with the title: Roses Will Bloom Again. It's something I'd like to share with you. 

Richard was sharing how he was going through the southwest and seen a desert rose, and it came to him in the form of God, who said the desert shall rejoice, and blossom as the rose. And he remembered that it takes God to put the bloom in the rose. But more than that, it takes God to change the desert of our lives for the roses to grow there. Then he moved on in the story about a man who was very sick and getting worse until came a day where his doctor seen his medicine was not working. In seeing that this doctor gave him a word of encouragement which later, this man rose from his death bed and was healed. Those words were,"Cheer up, the roses will bloom again." The story ends with that God is not through with ours lives. Roses will bloom again iin the desert of our lives. 

I know sometimes one feels like one's home is like an empty nest at times and life is like a dry barren desert, but the roses shall bloom once again.

That's how it shall be. Signs- that you would need to read from a different slant, Words- that you would need to interpret differently, and a whole lot of other things. And once you do, that's when you shall step out into your garden, and see the rose, blooming :)

On stepping into the twenties :)

Never felt a road as rocky or a fall as hard, wait, yes I have; which means I did it once, I can do it again. Things are never perfect but I like to look at a glass half full. My day-to-day motto is: step in shit, you’re bound to smell it. So I try to dodge shitty people, shitty situations, and shitty confrontations. I can say that I’ve definitely learned a lot, especially in this year of life. My teenaged days are something to only look back at and know that there where definitely good times and that those times supremely surpassed the bad. It is early twenties and very experimental, though  ‘they say’ that stage is typically in the teens, and by experimental I mean within myself; getting familiarized with who I am and who I will be shaped into for the rest on my life. Still breathing and realizing that I am never certain on what I want or who I truly am yet. I have tons of goals and and I’m trying to find ways to accomplish all of them. I guess the success of it all and being content, truly content in life, happens when you have everything all figured out…lets just say that I’m content knowing that I do not have it all figured out nor do I even know where I’m going or where I will end up. It’s like I’m walking the yellow brick road…the view is though is magnificent.