Today I asked myself, what have you achieved? No, I'm not 80 years old, yet, the nagging thought of how I could have done so much with my life in the past few years, and I chose to let it slip away. I'm told it is human. Human to have something and want something completely different. That fire of ambition, which dissolves into nothingness when something else gets prioritized over the "current want".
It sounds like the feeling most people have at say, 30. When you look back and say "Gosh, I'm thirty. My life is finished." Call it premature mid-life-crisis, if you may!
When I was 18, I had a Bucket List of sorts, on which I wanted to check everything before I turned 30. A list compiled with great care of a teen having great grown up dreams. Now I have 8 years to go and with time, I've found that most things on my Bucket List are either ticked as "what-were-you-thinking" or "not-gonna-happen-ever". You'd say, create a new list then. And then I'd say "No but this is what I had planned and I have to make it happen somehow!!!"
Surely there must be some way? Some way that I can be both the 18year old and the 30year old. Where I can be a grown-up with big things to achieve, and still enjoy my pink cotton candy.
Ah, there it is - the cause of all evil - the mixed feeling of being (expected to) grow up and still be a little girl.
I do not recall having so much trouble transitioning into my teenage!
Still swinging between vagueness and complete consciousness.
Time it is then. To wait and see if my Bucket List does happen.
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